I Think I Have a Problem, I Think I Think too Much...

Wooooooooahhhhh we're halfway there!!  Two more days and I'm heading home!  I can honestly say I am extremely excited!  These past two days have been interesting to say the least.  They've been good, not extremely busy but that's all going to change in a matter of minutes.  

So I've been thinking... that's never a good thing, right?  Over the past few weeks, I've been examining the last few years of my life. As I stepped back and remembered circumstances, situations, milestones, victories, disappointments, heartbreaks, changes, experiences, memories, let downs, mountain highs, and just every day life events, I realized that Christ was the constant.  The one thing that was unchanging.  Just when I thought I was doing great, life was splendid on my own, Christ instantly broke me.  In this breaking process, He has proven himself faithful time and time again.  Life and people are always changing but in the midst of the chaos- in the midst of the hurt, he is there.  Time after time in scripture, it states that God is faithful!  This in my life has proven true, not only in the bad but in the good!  As I reflected, I saw so many times where God was just beaming, smiling down and covering my life in so many undeserved blessings.  Many times, the blessing was hidden at the moment, but looking back I couldn't help but be reminded of the old hymn.  "Count your many blessings name the one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done!"  Bam.  How can I not be thankful and praise Christ for all he has done.  He is truly a God of grace. 

So, I say this to point out that while I am completely aware of the fact that Christ deserves my focus, my trust, my faith, my everything,  I don't always relinquish complete control of my life.  I like to know what's going on.  If something goes well, I want it to be because of me.  If something goes wrong, I want to fix it myself. I want it to be my solution. It boils down to pride and that is a sin. Who am I to think that I know better than an all knowing God?   That seems a bit ridiculous of me.I mean, over and over again, He has proven that He holds everything in His hands.  So after having this conversation with a dear close friend of mine who happens to be struggling with the exact same thing, we were steered to Phillippians 4.  It was a bit ironic because that is what we talked about in my Sunday School class two weeks ago and in my small group last week.  If we take the word "anxious" in verse 6, that basically means our selfishness.  Any time we are anxious, it's because we don't have control.  Well hello, Christ does, why do we need to worry?  It goes on to say in verse 9 that we are to "put this into practice."  What good is it to have all of this knowledge and instruction and not do anything with it.  Then we head on down to verse 12 and it talks about being content.  Content-to know you have the peace of God, regardless of the situation or outcome.  That you are 'ok' with it.  This passage has continuously broken me in the past few weeks. 

Now on to some random thoughts:

-I have decided that I do not perform well sometimes under pressure.  Today was a complete example of that. 

-I'm working on blogging more.

-Speaking of blogging... my best friend, Brittany, is now blessing the world with her thoughts!  You should check her blog out too! :)

-Had an awesome conversation with Matthew Morgan, who is the camp director this summer at Ridgecrest!  It put me in camp mode and I could not be more excited about what God has in store!

- String Ensemble concert was tonight.  Miss Jeanette continued the Bach week and play the crowd a 'little' solo!  Brava!

-Glee Cast music station on Pandora is basically fantastic. 

-We are almost to the month of April.  Can you say this school year has flown by?

-Bethany and I went to Dunkin Donuts twice yesterday for free coffee. Wooo hooo!

-Pink Ladies: game tomorrow! 6PM

-Next year's schedule is going to be an adventure! 

-The Last Song: Tomorrow. Whoop!

-Today was a beautiful day!  Hooray!

Until next time...

-kar 

I Wanna Know, Have You Ever Seen the Rain?

Well hello there!

-This weekend was pretty fantastic, well for the most part.  It started with my friend, Jeanette having to go to the doctor so I went to Sparklecity with her!  She ended up having to have a little out-patient procedure done but fortunately tonight is back at school!  Then Friday night Caleb, Clive, Jonathan, Katie H., and Mikey went to Matty's, then went to Dr. Mac's showcase, Unexpected Rainbows.  Yummy food and Musical Theatre... WOOOT.  After that, we went to Clive and Katie's room to watch "The Devil Wears Prada."  After I got back, I decided to change out all of my summer and winter clothes and reorganize my closet.  That was a project.  I decided I need to give some clothes away.

-Saturday consisted of breakfast with Kayla!  That was fun!  Then we went to choir rehearsal. After choir rehearsal it was time for some lunch at JC's and some shopping!  I was pretty tired after that day so I decided to head to my futon, watch The Notebook, and take a nap.  Good afternoon? Yes.  Then Morgie, Bethany, Alyssa, and Ellie went to Greenville to eat sushi, get coffee and take pictures!  Fun times!  We took Ellie home to Easley for the night and Bethany and I made up a rap song.  Needless to say it was a successful trip.

-Yesterday was Palm Sunday.  We had our Choral Masterworks Concert and performed St. John's Passion by Bach.  Basically Bach took the crucifixion story and added some notes and BAM- St. John's Passion was born.  (Ok, it wasn't quite that easy and there was much more to it, but you get the drift.)  My parents and brother came up for the concert and brought my grandparents!  I was so excited!  I was so thankful they were able to travel to come!  After the concert there was a yummy dinner with my family, the Bates, and Caleb at Fuddruckers!  Yum.

-This week (hopefully) will not be too stressful.  The main thing is going to be writing my philosophy of worship.  I have decided that I am in the wrong major due to the fact this is my fourth philosophy paper I have written in the past year.

-"The Last Song" is released on Wednesday!  I am basically excited about that.

-The Pink Ladies are playing on Wednesday night!  6PM!  You should come!  We're undefeated!  I hope it stays that way!

-I switched my winter and spring clothes in my closet.  It made me very excited!  Flowers, sunshine, and warm weather!

-I've got to teach my first voice student next week.  I'm pretty nervous about that but kinda excited.

-Bethany and I wrote a rap song this weekend.  It's called "Shawty." Expect it on itunes soon.  It's going to be a hit.

-What's the purpose of belly buttons?  Is there one?

-There were really bad storms last night.  I'm glad my family made it home safely!

-This week is a short week!  Heading home on Thursday night!

until next time
-kar

"Let Me Lift From the Ground Till My Soul is in Flight"

Goodbye, Spring Break.  You were incredibly kind to me and I hate to see you go so soon.  37 days until classes are over.  44 until the end of exams.  Then it will be summer.  Sweet, sweet summer.

Over the course of Spring Break, I was able to spend lots of time with Mom's little children.  There is something so refreshing to see the innocence of a child.  They have their entire life ahead of them and yet they are so unaware of what is ahead.  They just run, smile, and love.  It was beautiful.

I also was able to see my cousin, David in High School Musical at Flora!  He was fantastic!  They have a super sweet new theatre too.  As a performer, I was completely jealous.

Caleb also celebrated his 19th birthday over break!  That called for a celebration!  This led to a trip to Olive Garden, bowling and laser tag, and Starbucks.  It was quite an adventure with fantastic friends.  I'm incredibly blessed.

Saturday night was incredible beyond words.  Sutton Foster.  Need I say more?  Stephanie, Sara Ashley, and myself had the wonderful opportunity to witness this concert first hand.  I was blown away.  She is literally amazing.  She made the concert very personal but she kept it flowing.  She sang a great deal from her new album but also some fan favorites from shows such as "Thoroughly Modern Millie" "Little Women"  "The Drowsy Chaperone" and "Annie."  Fab. She was incredibly classy and elegant.  She simply stood on the stage, with a microphone, and with Michael Rafter playing the piano, she simply just sang.  It was beautiful.  She also blessed us with a rendition of "And I'm Telling You" from Dreamgirls.  Basically she should play Effie in her next role.  Finally to top the night off, we got to meet her and Michael Rafter and get our pictures made!  It was a fantastic evening.

Basically to sum up Spring Break, I didn't feel the need to go somewhere far away.  I simply went home.  Dorothy was correct when she said "There's no place like home."  I got to spend time with the people I love the most.  What better way to spend a week off of school?  Oh yeah, there's not.

Random thoughts of the night:

-Health Care Bill:  I'm annoyed by it.  And not by the result of the vote.  I'm annoyed at everyone that is spazzing out about it.  Honestly, you can't do anything about it so uhhhh don't waste your time freaking. Most people in America are uneducated about it so their argument is basically ridiculous and pointless.  There are bigger things in life to worry about.

-Classes start back tomorrow.  I hope I have some motivation.

-I've determined that there are no longer awkward moments, it's an awkward life.

-Tonight, I watched videos of Mary Kate and Ashley... I basically relived my childhood.

-I really feel like I should go back to NYC sometime really really really soon. I miss it.

- It's getting late and I don't have anything really thought provoking to share tonight so my pillow and I are fixing to have some quality bonding time.  It has missed me this week.

Until next time....
-kar

"Gotta Live Like We're Dying"

What's up Spring Break!  I never thought you would arrive, but here you are.... in my presence... in the midst.... Praise. God.  So far this break has consisted of some fun and exciting times and then also some times that I am very saddened had to occur.

Spring Break started with NATS.  Incredibly long day.  NATS funny story:  I set my alarm for 5:45, was going to snooze it twice and wake up at 6:15.  I did all of those things.  But after snoozing it twice... I fell back asleep and didn't wake up until... 6:56.  I was supposed to pick up Sheehan between 7:15 and 7:20.  I showered and was ready and picked her up on time. Talk about freaking out.  That was me for about half an hour Friday morning.

Friday night I went to visit Sara A at Wofford.  We were blingified.  Thats a new fun word that I just created.  It was good to see her and catch up!

Saturday was filled with Chickfila with SA and Natalie then a drive home.  I love long car drives by myself.  I love the time to just think, reflect, and pray. Once I arrived home, the family met Stephanie, Meredith, Corey, Brenna, and Colin at Outback for some delicious food!  Alice Springs Chicken and I are joined at the hip.

Sunday morning was spent at First Baptist then a trip to the Wagon Wheel for lunch. Yum.  Then a visit with Grandmommy!  Sunday night I was blessed with the opportunity to lead worship at Involved with the Jennings brothers!  It was a good time!

Monday was a rather difficult day.  It started off well by going to Mommy's preschool class and visiting with her kids.  Then it took a serious turn.  I mentioned in my last post that my friend Alex passed away in a car accident and the funeral was last night.  I met Brittany Johnson and Lindsey and we went together.  Visitation was beforehand and all the theatre kids met together so we could sit together.  It was almost like a family reunion because so many cast members were back together.  It was nice to see everyone but absolutely terrible it had to be in that circumstance.  It was not easy to walk through the line or sit in that service.  Several of his best friends spoke as well as his mom then Marybeth sang before a video was shown.  Hard, emotional, tough, sad, heartbreaking are all word that can attempt to describe this situation and this experience but in no way shape or form capture the essence of it. Alex was an incredible guy.  He was a friend to everyone he met.  I would do anything to go back and dance to February Song one more time in Lefty.  He had a heart of gold, would help anyone, at any time, at any cost, and was so compassionate.   In the coming days, continue to keep his mom, grandmother, and friends in your prayers.  

Today I got to see mom's kids again!  Then went to lunch with Brittany, Lindsey, Grant, and Adam!  I miss seeing those people every single day.  We have so many good memories together.  Then had a doctors appointment for my back. Then dinner tonight with the fam.  


The rest of this week consists of seeing more friends, family, birthday celebrations, and a concert by the amazing and wonderful Sutton Foster.  I cannot express in words how excited I am therefore I'm not going to try.  Just know it's a lot.


Just a few random thoughts from my brain this evening:


-If I am ever desperate for a job, I am moving to NYC and applying to be a Taxi driver.  I feel as if I would fit right in and be accepted. 


-If you want to read something that will absolutely blow your mind.  Read 1 Samuel 1-2.  It's the story of Hannah.  Her patience, ability to persevere, her willingness to wait for God's perfect timing, then the sacrifice of her son, Samuel, back to God are all examples of things that we can learn from. 


-Today, my life had some awkward moments in them.  It was quite comical to tell you the truth. 
 
-What if all of us, myself included in this, said things we meant.  This can go to two ways.  One being that we should say the things we really do mean.  So many times I feel like I miss so many opportunities to tell people things.  Does that mean I should always necessarily say them? I don't know.  What I do know is that I should be cautious and aware and take these missed opportunities.  Especially when it is something uplifting and encouraging.  So many times I will think it in my head but for so many reasons won't tell the other person.  Especially if I don't know the person really well for a fear of it being weird or awkward.  Then I so many times say things that I really don't mean.  These are often times not so nice.  What if I only said the statements I meant?  I think of how often people have told me things that they really didn't mean and how much hurt has been a result of those statements.  I began to wonder if my words caused hurt feelings in some way.  I've been doing a bit of reflecting and guarding the words that come out of my mouth.  Hopefully it will be something I can continue to do, with much effort. "He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." Proverbs 13:3


-I was able to take a nice two and a half hour nap today.  Solid. 


-Today Caleb asked me what I thought we should do for his birthday... I simply responded with jump off the Empire State Building.  Sounds like a partay to me. 

-American Idol contestants- Please.  Do not sing if you have laryngitis.  It's just a poor life choice.


-Getting more and more excited about FUGE every single day! 66 days until I leave!  The countdown is on!  Yes I'm going to miss my family and friends.  Yes I'm going to miss doing the things I normally do in the summer like VBS etc.  But God has amazing things in store.  Something tells me I'm not going to want to miss it!


It's late.  Have a fantastic week!  I'll see you at the end of Spring Break!


-kar

He Loves Us, Oh How He Loves Us

Oh hey world...


Life this week has been insanely hectic but that ok!  This past weekend was relaxing, praise!  Yesterday, Caleb, Christy, and myself hopped in the car and headed to the ATL for the Passion Live Link/CD Release Partaaaay!  It was so flipping awesome!  So many people not just in that room, but linked in from literally all over the world just praising Jesus!  I'm talking from ATL to Cali to Africa to Brazil... ALL over the place.  People were going crazy for Jesus!  Louie's message was really awesome.  He preached from Psalm 84 and talked about how awesome it is just to be in the presence of God.  
"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere;I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked." Psalm 84:10

A doorkeeper!  Someone who just stands outside while people just pass by.  This is what is good and this is what we should desire instead of being right in the middle and in the midst of the evil.  Just to wrap your minds around the fact that only ONE day in the house of the Lord is better than a THOUSAND anywhere else... that's pretty bold.  I mean just think about one average day in your life and compare that to almost three years.  Just one of those days with Christ, to worship and to praise Him, doesn't come within reach of anything else. 

So at this shindig, there was some pretty cool music played too.  It's called the Passion 2010 CD. It's got some pretty cool people singing on it, you know, Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall, Christy Nockels, Matt Redman, Steve Fee, DCB, Hillsong.  It'  You should probably check it out on itunes.  Your life will benefit greatly from it and you will be really happy on the inside. 


Now on to other news... NATS is Friday.  Basically just a vocal competition for those of you who don't know what NATS is.  There's been a lot of preparation going on for this event.  Lots of extra lessons and extra practice.  I hope this time pays off but most importantly I desire to remember that this is not my voice that I am using, but it's God's voice.  To him be the glory, not myself. 


I received some very sad news last night as well.  I got a call from my theatre professor back home that one of my friends, Alex, was killed in a car accident on Monday morning.  I was in a show with Alex the spring before I moved to Anderson.  He was my dance partner in the show.  When Marybeth called me, I was in complete shock.  I literally had just spent 2 hours praising my Savior, walked out of the venue and this was the news that I received.  Fortunately, our God is the God of comfort and the God of peace.  In the midst of tragedy and sadness, we must remember that our joy comes from Him.  


"No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know, could keep us from Your love. No sickeness, no secret, no chain is strong enough, to keep us from Your love.  How high, how wide, no matter where I am healing is in Your hand.  How deep, how strong, now by your grace I stand, healing is in your hands."


Christy Nockels sings this song on the Passion album and it instantly came to my mind.  Even though Alex is gone, we must remember nothing can keep us from the love of Christ.  Not life, not death, no circumstance, no situation is bigger than the love of our God.  In the coming days, please continue to keep his family, friends, and the theatre company he was a part of in your prayers.  There is a lot of confusion and hurt but pray that they know that they belong to Christ and that he LOVES them. 

Spring Break is just two days away.  I'm so thankful!  In the meanwhile, I have a rehearsal and a lesson in the morning!  Then a little field trip to the hospital to look at vocal folds!  I love a good adventure!  Pink Ladies are practicing tomorrow and preparing for a game on Thursday night!  I should probably head to bed!  Have an awesome and fantastic however long until I blog again!  




I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way, he loves us...."
-kar

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!

1. It snowed yesterday.  If the snow had been gracious and stuck to the ground, we would have been sitting on a blizzard.  Too bad it didn't stick to anything.


2. Opened my email yesterday and Fuge track times were sitting in my inbox!  HURRAH!  One step closer to this summer!  I can't believe in two and a half months it's going to be here!  This is going to rock my world. Literally.  It's something that I've been in prayer about for a long time and it is going to be here before I know it!


3. So the Bachelor ended Monday.  Seriously, Jake.  I hate to be one of those girls who whine about a ridiculous television show but... how could you break Tensley's heart?  She was absolutely precious.


4. Spring Break is so soon.  A week and a half!  It's going to be busy though due to vocal stuff.  090 Recital and Masterclass, two possibly three lessons, and lots of practicing are going to happen between now and NATS next Friday.


5. I went home this past weekend and got to see all of my grandparents!  Grandmommy is still in rehab from her knee replacement but is doing very well!  Grandmother and Granddaddy were their usual precious selves. Grandparents are amazing.  They are so special!


6. The maintenance men have been outside mine and Brittany's room since 8:30 yesterday morning. I'm not sure what they are doing.  Hopefully the building doesn't blow up or something.  Otherwise... we are goners.


7. The Pink Ladies are undefeated.  I am not really sure how.  But we are.  We have beast shirts too.


8. I am addicted to Facebook and I absolutely hate that.  I wish I were not.


9.  Move your car before Thursday.  I'm just saying.  I've heard bad things could happen if you don't.  Don't say you were not warned.  There are notifications everywhere.  Even on the printers in the computer labs......


10. "My joy is not determined by what happens to me but what Christ is doing in me and through me." This quote has proven itself true so many times in my life but once again God has shouted and gotten my attention.  My life is not defined by situations or circumstances.  They are a part of shaping and molding me into the person I am becoming but in no way shape or form am I defined by them.  My identity lies in Christ.  I am his child, his daughter.  How he is glorified in these difficult situations is what matters.  Where does my future lie?  I do not know exactly.  What I do know is that wherever I am, in whatever season of my life, that Christ is going to be moving and he is going to be working and that is what is exciting.  He might be breaking me at times, but there is nothing too broken to be restored and to become beautiful.  I am absolutely nothing on my own.  "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 but through Christ I have strength, joy, and I am content. "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13.  


11. Yahoo has the Passion 2010 album online for early viewing before it's release next week. That merits excitement.  


12. Tonight in the caf, Mikey taught Amanda, Jacinta, Katie Hyatt, JBates, and myself how to make Cootie Catchers out of napkins.  Let me just tell you... it was arts and crafts time in the caf.  Quite the adventure. 


13. I love my friends.  Like honestly.  These girls on my hallway are absolutely incredible.  They are hilarious too.  That makes things even better. 


14. Brooklyn loves I Love Lucy.  I must frequent her room more often to watch episodes with her. 


15. It's getting late. I'm getting tired.  I'm going to sleep.


-kar